God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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