So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
