I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
