evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Soap is not a condiment
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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