I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh god it's open bar.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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