He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
