so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
