I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
