I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
