i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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