She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
