Will you blow on my dice?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
