On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
