And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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