yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
