o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
