they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize