Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
