Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
