The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
wow bdsm is so cute
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
