i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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