Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
