im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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