Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
smell my finger.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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