your room smells of hookers.
And success
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
