Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
