Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
