hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
