After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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