if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
