Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
