i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
