I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
