called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
