I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
