What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
