I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
