I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
