I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
