I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
