NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
