Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
