if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
