She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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