so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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