I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
