his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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