roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All the doctor said was why
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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