Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
