He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
