I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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