you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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