So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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