thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
