brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
false alarm, still single
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