so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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