Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
