dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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