dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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