so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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