The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
