News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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