I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
please come you make the beer taste better
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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