I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
