Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
