Duck Duck Cougar?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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