I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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