Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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