Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
