i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize