I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
