I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
