how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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