someone get that fucking seahorse.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
