Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
