Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
