Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
