i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
